Thursday, October 23, 2025
Today I am thankful for (don't laugh) my social anxiety! For all the frailties I exhibit that scream "human"!
Would you believe I second guess nearly everything I write and everything I say, for concern that someone might be hurt or offended by it? My favorite beatitude, growing up in Sunday school, was "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." (KJV, Matt. 5:9)
I so wanted (still do) everything to be peaceful! Hurting souls are not at peace, they are in need of comfort. And we live in a very divided time.
My social anxiety and desire for everyone to be "happy"/"peaceful" has led me to listen to and have a heart for those who hold opinions and positions with which I may not agree. I'm one of those "both sides" people that are so bitterly objected to by those who just don't get how anyone might disagree with them. The first thought that pops into my head when presented with something is whether there is another way to look at it, that may not lead to the same conclusion. Is there a kinder motive possible? Can I give the speaker the benefit of the doubt?
This sometimes gets me into trouble with those who hold their own point of view strongly and may want something more from me than I can in conscience give. It gets me into trouble when two persons with two opposing views both think I agree with them and "put me on the spot" to give an opinion or judgement and I'm like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof... "he is also right".
Given that social anxiety is NOT a comfortable thing to live with, it still blesses me by helping me feel compassion for others.
I do get that. I always think so carefully over every post, every comment and I cannot tell you how many I have deleted because I was sure someone would take it wrong. Huge hugs.
ReplyDeleteHugs to a kindred spirit. And despite our best efforts, there seems to be no way to completely avoid scrapes. But we can try.
DeleteWe sure do. Hugs
DeletePhoenix1949
ReplyDeleteThis introvert's way of not seeing most things in black or white absolutes but allowing multiple shades of grey/gray can drive some folks beserk, especially those that think a 'spirited' argument with a definite winner & loser is the only way to go. Mean-spirited folks no longer are allowed to waste my precious time on this planet.
Susan (from hot & dry Central Texas)
Oh, Susan, well put! Sometimes there is no absolute right/wrong answer, so no winner/loser, either.
DeleteMay your kind spirit be reflected back by all you meet!
I've also sort of "turtled" with interpersonal interactions in public, although in my area most of us are like-minded in politics and general politeness. Just trying to survive. I would shut down the conversation anyway by some kind of comment like: you have your opinion, I have mine and I'm not going to try to change yours so don't try to change mine. It worked with my neighbor (of the opposite opinion) and we still get along fine.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that trying to make everyone happy does not make YOU happy might benefit by a little more self-research on how to respond. I've experienced the same and regret my involvement in some of the bigger episodes. Had I been more self-loving (protective), I should have said something that would let them know I heard them, but would not take a side or declare they were right. If someone is pushing me to take or declare their side, my response is just as forceful in that I will not tolerate being asked to do so. If they want to take that as a yes, or no, that's their problem. If someone's opinion is so strong that they don't respect yours, are you benefitting by the relationship, no matter how close or slight?
In a way I'm talking history and how I learned the lessons, in particular the lesson of clarity is preferable to agreement one fuzziness. That might sound a little strange, but it's how I learned to survive in the work world. I really like your response of "I don't have to state my opinion". It saves a lot of agony.
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