Wildflowers and hair day

Fall wildflowers are in bloom below my deck.  

On Friday, I decided I'd had enough of my hair growing out... I kind of get it cut, then forget about it for a while, ignore it getting irritating, and then eventually... "off with it"!  Last time I got a haircut, according to this blog... April 11th.  So 5 months and twelve days!  No wonder it was driving me nuts.

Should be good now until about Christmas... or at the very least Thanksgiving.

Interesting conversation with the stylist, as I was the first client in the door that morning.  They had been working through some confusion in their salon's schedules.  It brought to mind when I used to work a job that had schedules that varied, week to week.  I had dreams about failing to check the schedule for years after I left that job and moved on.  

This led to discussion of how these days everything is online, and you just print it off.  Back in the day when I had that job, you had to write it down yourself, because, gee, PC's didn't start to enter the picture until I was halfway through my 15 years in that company.  The web didn't show up until another 10 years beyond that.  Technology changes how we do everything!

Speaking of technology, the various video platforms make it possible for so many to publish "content" that it gets crowded.  As Big Brother rolls to a close, I have to break myself of YouTube, where all the various commentators on the live feeds move on to other shows, and I don't care to get sucked into any of those.  

On Saturday, my neighbor across the street brought over a share of his produce... it's wonderful when the neighbors grow more than they can use, and nothing's better than home-grown tomatoes!  

I'll have to figure out how to use them all.

He told me that he was just back from a trip to London!  Oh, my goodness!  He was over there while the UK was going through all the National Mourning thing.  He said he did not get to see nearly all of the things there are to see.  But he did get to the British museum, which was a goal for him.  He did not wait through the line for the lying in state, but he certainly did see the crowds.  He had a purpose in being there, but it wasn't the Queen's funeral.

Sunday night:  the Big Brother finale.  I was happy with the choice of the final 2, and either one of them winning will make US regular BB season history.  As it turned out, Taylor Hale, Miss Michigan USA, became the first female of color to win a regular season of Big Brother USA.  I was fortunate in having another former Sparker who was a fan of the show doing a "facebook watch party" with me, swapping reactions back and forth.

The season had elements where discussion of racism and colorism were front and center, especially as one player used it as strategy to further his game.  Because of the reading I've been doing (White Fragility), I saw elements of how automatic the defense mechanisms of being white play in, and also how people of color have been living with the inequality their whole lives.  I never watch in a vacuum, my experience of this game is always spiced by what's going on in my everyday life.

Slept late Monday morning.  Do you ever have times in life when you just feel LAZY?  That's me, lately.

Tuesday morning I had my workout with the trainer, then got a wild hair and decided to make the appointment for my flu shot Tuesday afternoon.  I filled out the forms on my phone, and even got an e-mail confirmation of the appointment, but when I got there, they couldn't find them and so I had to fill the forms out on paper, all over again.  Still, despite that short hiccup, got the shot in the opposite arm to the one I got the Covid shot in.  All set for the Fall and Winter.

Daughter in law to be has invited her parents and me to join the youngsters for a pumpkin art outing a week from Friday.  Awesome.  They will drive, so I don't have to drive at night.  Even more awesome.  Glad the son's fiancé is one of those family centric people.

My niece that has now recovered from Covid is plotting a garage sale this coming weekend, so there is a loose plan for me to make my way over and visit her.  It's been WAAAAAY too long since we've seen each other.  I think it was a 4th of July party, over ten years back.  We've stayed in touch on line, but just move on different ends of the clock!

It's been dry here, and it's starting to get more seasonal in the temperatures, but I hear other Spark refugees have had weather!  Here's hoping those in Canada that got pounded by Fiona and those in Florida that are being targeted by Ian stay safe and don't sustain too much damage.  I know a drought (such as we're having here) is also bad weather news, but it's not as immediate a threat as hurricanes and wild fires can be.

So everybody, take the best care of your health you can manage, one day at a time, and we'll keep on keeping on.  

Life is good.  Keep Sparking!

🔥✨💖

Spilled coffee

 

Not a good way to start the morning.  I was dressed a bit nicer than usual on Wednesday, as I had a meeting schedule for mid-morning.  I still follow the practice of being dressed "down to the shoes" before heading down for my first cuppa.

In any case, I paused in my coffee making to fill the kitties' dishes. I absently clicked the button before doing so, neglecting to place the mug under the spigot.  Yikes!

Fortunately, there is a catch basin under the grid, and I was able to put a mug under before it overflowed, but still managed to splash a drop of coffee onto my trousers.  Sigh. 

It's been cooler, and nothing was going to stop this from being a good day.

It turned out to be mostly that.  The meeting went well, plans were laid in place for the next year, and I came home to get on with it.

I checked in with the niece who'd come down with Covid, and she's doing better, on Paxlovid.  She's young (40's), but has always had respiratory things settle in her lungs, so being proactive with it.  I'm glad she's right on top of it.

Later in the day, I heard from my son's ex wife... with sad news of her cat, Kalimdor, passing away overnight Monday.  She's devastated.  I remember when she brought the two kittens into their home, 13 years ago, while he was deployed in the desert.  The other one passed rather suddenly and unexpectedly, two years ago.  

Time is so strange... it seems like both forever ago, and just yesterday.

That's about it for the "slow news days"... here's hoping my old Spark buds are making each day a good one, and taking care of their health and well-being!

Life is good.  Spark on!💖🔥✨

Indian Summer

I really do know it's still officially Summer for two more days, but there is this magical post-Summer season that we used to call Indian Summer, back in the day.  The sunlight may be waning, maybe you've even had the first hard freeze, but then there is this stretch of unseasonably warm weather.  I've always been a fan of Summer, but this extra bonus of Summery days was a favorite of mine, even as a child.  This Tuesday morning I was savoring 78℉ temperature, morning angled sunshine, and a light breeze as I headed out to pick up a prescription.  It brought back poignant memories of years past when Indian Summer would be savored on walks to and from school, and the playtime between school and supper.

I snapped a photo that turned out to be quite fuzzy, but in it you can see that our trees are still green.  The sky is completely clear.  It is an unusually warm one by afternoon.  The TV news informs me we have broken the record for the high temperature, at 103℉.  On September 20th!  Expect a cold front and weather coming through tonight.  Tomorrow's high will plunge 30 degrees, compared to today's!

I've taken a nap or two after that marathon with all the Royal funeral coverage on Monday.  No trainer workout Tuesday, as the track meet (the trainer is also a track coach) was scheduled for early due to the heat.

Yesterday one of my nieces posted that she'd gone out for the first time in a long time (she named three bars she went to), and that she now has tested positive for Covid 19.  Yikes.  This is a young woman in her 30's.  She declined to tag the friends she'd gone out with but she was posting a heads up for them to get tested.  So, no matter what the President says about the pandemic being over, the plague is still out there, so, cautionary tale, eh?  Glad I got my latest booster.

Has anybody else caught that they are resuming the series Quantum Leap?  I used to love that show, and just watched the initial episode of the new run today.  Promising start.  It's on NBC, which I don't get, but I added Peacock, so I'll have it.

Short one today... remember to take care of yourselves!  We Spark refugees really do know how... we've got those rules down.  It's just a matter of following them!  And remembering that we are each and every one of us worth taking care of.  After all, even the Queen, come the end of her reign, ends life as simply "a child of God".  As do we all.  Be kind to one another.  Give each other the benefit of the doubt.  And live in peace.

For Life is Good.  Spark on!✨💖🔥

 

The other cat looks at the King

 

Having a hard time sleeping?  Yep.  Gave it up at got up in the middle of the night, as there were things happening on the other side of the planet I wanted to see.  So while I remain at home in the Central Time zone of the USA, the events described took place in London and Windsor, in the UK.

This cat was watching not just one head of state, but hundreds, arrived to say farewell to this Queen.  

Observing the foreign non-commonwealth country leaders seated before, and the prime ministers, both of commonwealth nations and past British prime ministers who served the Queen, knights of the garter, etc. seated later. Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden were brought in an hour before the service was to start.  This is not our show, fellow Americans.  

I did learn something new... what the commentators call those bands with the instruments wrapped in black!  

They were referring to them as "masked bands".  Ah-hah!  Makes a certain kind of sense.  I wonder if this is a purely British term, or if my musician relatives knew this and just hadn't shared it with me!

I'm loved the choirs, I love the King James phrasing of the Bible readings; my own cultural patterns are being honored here.  But with the reading I've done of late (blogged about that before), I have to recognize this may not be true of all who see it.  Some will have a very different lens, based on their own experience and family history.

Problematic for me was watching the sailors pulling and braking as the coffin was moved from Westminster Hall to Westminster Abbey.  And then after the service, all the way to Wellington Arch.  Humans, pulling in harness... humans in harness serving as the braking mechanism, too.

Granted, they did the job perfectly, and I recognize that those serving in this capacity consider it an honor.  They are sailors.  Once upon a time, the British sailors hauled ropes to raise sails of tall ships.  It was hard, manual labor.  These thoughts occur of what a hard life that was for the sailors.  

They delivered the coffin for the start of the procession into the Abbey at precisely, to the minute, the time advertised.  Precision timing is impressive.

I watched as young George and Charlotte Wales joined the procession inside the Abbey.  George is a mere 9 years old.  I remember I was that I was 10 when President Kennedy was assassinated, and what a momentous week that was in my young life as the USA pretty much shut down for the entire week.  TV had nothing BUT that coverage on it.  The whole thing "ruined" my birthday weekend (self-centered as most children are).  I am impressed with how well these youngsters are handing the jobs they have been born into, "like it or not".

Queen Elizabeth had a hand in planning this whole show, in advance.  One of the commentators over the weekend said that she wanted no long preaching... she didn't want it to be long and dull.  She did want "angelic voices" and that was surely delivered.  There's nothing like a boy choir for angelic voices... those innocent faces, with sober duties in their performance.  Of course there was the richness of adult voices mixed in as appropriate.

I noticed young George caught in one shot, peeking over at the singing choir boys.  You have to wonder what his particular interests will be, as he grows.  His grandfather, for example, now King, is a painter.  I think I'd known that before, but re-learned it this week with all the coverage.

I have to say the procession was impressive.  I was interested when an Australian service member was interviewed on Sunday by his TV folks from "back home".  He indicated that he was thankful that with his role of marching in formation for the event, and all he had to do was watch the person in front of him, and "whenever his left foot touches the ground, so does mine".  

After the procession in London, which was HUGE, with representation from all over the Commonwealth, including the Australians, New Zealanders, and Canadians... and many more, too.

After they all came to their end points at Wellington Arch, the coffin was piped off Navy duty and placed into a state Hearse for a motorcade to Windsor.  

Like so many others who might be watching, my thoughts went back to the most recent family funeral we had, and it would be that of my brother.  The way we dragged it out over more than a week, while his ashes were driven from NY State to Nebraska to be buried beside his parents... granted we didn't have military parades or bands, but the timeline, the taking a "quiet day" between the flurries of activity... I can completely understand the exhaustion on the faces of the family.

For a bit of levity in the mix, I had to smile at little Princess Charlotte, who in this photo appears to be advising her brother George... a role we've seen in her at other events.  I can see a future as a Princess Royal?  She has lots of strong women in the family as role models, including the late monarch.

One more procession with the Royal Householders, including household cavalry, another minute gun, and another tolling of the church bells.  One more short church service.  Then she will be buried at St. George's chapel alongside Phillip, the late Duke of Edinburgh, her husband since 1947.

And that hearse is going to need a bath.  Between the crowds throwing flowers as it passed and the inescapable rolling through the inevitable result of parading cavalry.

This is already borderline "TL;DR" (too long, didn't read) if not past the border, so I'll stop for now.

I'll leave it with the uncaptured image of the Queen's Corgis, that I have read will be living with Prince Andrew and Fergie.  These were a gift from Andrew to his mother, and I'm sure they will be well looked after.

Take care of yourselves, whatever circumstance you find yourself in today.  Be kind not just to others, but in meeting your own needs as well.  

Life is good.  Spark on!

🔥✨💖

The world spins on!

Sunday the 18th of September was the last day for the kayak rental company, and my friend and I reserved the earliest we could, at 10 a.m.

It was a cool and peaceful lake as we paddled out, and I had to snap at least (and it turned out only) one photo of the sunlight on the water.  That's Gerri over the bow of my little kayak.

I dutifully got my booster shot on Friday, and watched for the side effects, which were similar to what I'd had with the earlier shots.  Not as severe as with shot #2 of the primary series, which I think was my strongest reaction.  I did not take any meds in the wake of it, did have a bit of a fever (99.4 ℉) on Saturday, and took a couple of naps.  

I was fine in time to kayak, which was the goal.

Between naps, I did continue to watch the coverage from London, and was fortunate enough to catch the vigil of the grandchildren in "real time".  When you consider how spread out the Queen's children were, it's not too surprising to see the range in age of the grandchildren, the youngest being a 14 year old.

Being me, I was doing math in my head about the length of that line and when they will have to cut it off, so as to be done by 6:30 Monday morning, UK time.  I'm pretty soon we are close to that time when they will shut it down, but also the crowd may be self-selecting itself "down" to respect the security needs for the funeral itself.

While paddling this morning, my friend and I did a catch up, and I found out she has a regular funeral, of the father of one of her co-workers, to attend tomorrow in Omaha.  I know there's a lot of fuss over the loss of the Queen, but everybody's ordinary cycles of life, death, mourning, birth and celebrating... is continuing.  

Both my friend and I have new great-nephews, both they and their mothers doing well.  

I had to laugh at the most recent video my daughter in law to be posted of Carl at the dog park.  He joined a game with another dog, who was bumping a balloon in the air with its nose.  The owner of the other dog picked up the balloon and passed it to Carl, I presume hoping the dogs would pass it back and forth, but NO!  Carl popped the balloon, thinking this was great fun.  He was not, as some pups might be, put off by the noise.  So the owner of the other dog offered "the kids" a few balloons, and they are trying now to train Carl to NOT pop them.  I wish them luck, as my tummy keeps jiggling in amusement!

Here's your reminder to hydrate, especially if you're under drought conditions, as we have been around here.  We got some rain yesterday, but not enough to counteract the lowering of the lake waters.  You can see where the lake has got smaller.  

Life is good.  Spark on!

🔥✨💖

A cat may look at a king...

 

The Prisoner has his own throne, from which, if he were so inclined, he could watch the new King of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland on the telly.

The first printed version of the idiom a cat may look at a king was published in 1562, in The Proverbs And Epigrams Of John Heywood, “What, a cat may look on a king, ye know!” 

Link to the Grammarist entry, quoted above.

Anyway, the brain is full of random thoughts these days.  

• I got the e-mail from the health department to make my appointment for the "new" booster for Covid-19.  I scheduled it for Friday afternoon, after the school day, at one of the local high schools.

I had not been to that high school in quite some time, but it was pretty obvious where to go, between the signs and the other "old folks in masks" filing in and out.  It went smoothly and quickly.  These are getting to be pretty routine.  It had been five months since my second booster, so I'm hoping this is a good interval, and also hoping that it morphs into a "once a year" thing like the flu shot, which I did not get at the same time.  

• The last weekend for kayak rentals is this coming one.  My friend Geri and I are plotting a Sunday morning outing on the water.  I hope I'm recovered enough from the shot.

• Discussion with kid sis on Wednesday's walk on two topics - one, what a proper curtsy is (head not bowed, knees bent... if I can do a lunge, I should be able to do a curtsy).  I'm not there, but I've been practicing in front of the TV.

This had to do with watching the live feeds of the queue of people paying their respects to Queen Elizabeth.  I have been impressed with the diversity of both individual people, and how they show their respect.  I have seen so many combinations of gestures.  One woman, walking with two poles through the whole line, put her poles together, steadied herself on the arm of her escort, and dropped a deep and perfect curtsy.  Curtseys, crosses between a bow and a curtsy... deep bows, bowed heads, the namaste hand gesture, many people crossing themselves, some blowing a kiss toward the coffin, tears wiped away... and silence... respectful silence through it all.  The signal for changing the guards was clearly heard, every 15 minutes.  

I had an irreverent thought at a recent change, when a much shorter guard replaced his/her taller counterpart... and a line from Star Wars popped into my head... "a little short for a storm trooper, aren't you?"  

I sought out and found YouTube channels that allowed me to watch coverage of the National Mourning in the UK without talking heads commenting over it.  I have been fascinated by the differences in uniform, music, and traditions between Scotland, Ireland, Wales and England.  Seeing the drums and brass wrapped in black for the funeral marches in London, and appreciating the choice of pieces (Beethoven, Mendelsohn)... this is the culture in which I was raised, and it seems right.  The Scottish also seems right, with the bagpipes and the royal archers carrying their longbows.  

The Welsh memorial service, delivered in their national language Friday morning was poetic. I could follow along because the name "Solomon" was not translated, and made it obvious the Bible passage it was based on. The rhythm of the wording and the repetition, along with my own familiarity with Solomon's prayer on inheriting the crown from his father David filled in what I lacked in the specific language.

• Second topic of discussion - our own reactions to the book, White Fragility, that we're both reading, and how we observe what we read in the world around us, or in our own history.

Reading this book and thinking about it as I watch the pomp and circumstance surrounding the period of mourning, and also catching some of the reportage of the royal family "issues" had me questioning my own reactions, and also coming to the defense of tradition at the same time.

I started being conscious of and appreciating what I've been reading.  This mourning period is white heritage, it's not colorless or lacking in racial/ethnic roots, and there's some negatives associated with it, as well as the positives.  The immense wealth of the royals hits home:  Balmoral estate is 50,000 acres.  And it is only ONE of many... the "summer" getaway.    

• Big Brother has got down to the final four, and as usually happens, game play becomes slower.  But this has been an amazing season, very unpredictable.  That's generally caused by both good and bad game play!  It will be but a memory in a couple of weeks.

Well, that about covers the week as it was.  Laundry, grocery shopping, one workout with the trainer (he canceled Thursday due to a track meet schedule change)... and the weather not feeling at all like September... it's been hot... pretty much completes the picture of my life.

Here's hoping you all are well, and getting done what needs doing in your own lives, all while remembering to gently take care of yourselves!

Life is good.  Even at times when it can be sad.  Spark on!

🔥✨💖

From yesterday's clouds to today's sunshine

At home

I waited until 6 a.m., sipping my first mug of coffee, before leaving for the lake.  I snapped a photo of the moon over the neighboring houses before I backed out.  One thing was clear to me on the drive out... this will be my last outing as a volunteer to this race because I don't feel I should be night driving.

I took another photo of the moon once I got out to the lake.  In between, on the way, the sun rose.

It was a beautiful and calm day.  What a contrast to last year's Last Blast Triathlon, which, if you have a long memory for details that don't impact you personally, you might recall was stopped due to lightning in the region, during the bike leg.

At the race venue

I borrowed a kayak from a lady and gent who brought extras.  The water was smooth as glass.  They started the swimmers in a time trial fashion this year.  One loop for the Sprint distance, two for the Olympic racers.

After my duties in the kayak were done, I checked in at the finish line and they didn't really need me there.  I wandered over to the car, where I found Gary (race director)'s wife trying to make sure the bikers didn't waste time turning into the parking lot, and the runners didn't get run over from the vehicular traffic trying to exit the park.

I hung out there to "help" for a while, then wandered back to the finish line, because adding my car to the exit traffic did not seem right.

It was a bit on the crazy side.  Eventually I made my way home, where I think I shall take a nap, and continue my day!

Even waiting as I did, there was quite a line up, and they held us there taking turns with incoming and outgoing traffic.  Oh, well.

Here's remembering the day (September 11), while watching the Queen's cortege entering Edinburgh.  

Life is good.  And it goes on, regardless of our individual presence.  Spark on!

Keeping vigil with the news...

Queen Elizabeth II of England became queen before even "old lady" me was conceived, much less born.  I was not even "on the way" when her father, George VI passed and she became a very young Queen at 25.  Before she was officially crowned, I was conceived, born, and probably was crawling or even pulling myself up on furniture, because pomp and pageantry take time to plan and execute.

As soon as the news announced her passing, I thought, "who do I call?"  And landed on my elder sister, who was a year old when the Queen lost her father.  We remembered how our grandmother dressed her daughters based on what the young princesses were wearing, through the 1930's... somewhere in the family archives, there are pictures.  I thought about mom's honeymoon photos, from two years after the Queen's marriage began... mom in her flannels, tramping and feeding a chipmunk in the mountains... and thinking of the Queen, tramping, shooting, fishing and riding in Scotland... outdoorsy!

The Queen's reign matches the timeline of my own life.  She was born three years before my mother, and my mother passed away 26 years ago... had my mother lived this long, what would life have been like?  It makes one think.

This screen capture from a family portrait of the Windsors (Getty Images) of Queen Elizabeth II in 1972 is one of many where I thought of her life in parallel with my mother's.  Their coloring was similar, too, this turquoise dress being something I could easily see my mom wearing.

I offer my condolences to all my friends in the UK and Commonwealth on the loss of their beloved figurehead.  She was an amazing role model. I also offer my best wishes to the new King Charles III as he begins his duties.  I also offer hopes for the Commonwealth as they transition to this new era, to work through their relationship to the constitutional monarchy.  There are huge questions that have been hanging for decades, out of deference for the person of Elizabeth II, and no doubt they will come to the forefront of political discourse.

Later in the day, I got a bonus phone call from my son.  He was on his way home from a work appointment.  He is working a practicum, which is one of the last check list items toward his MSW.  If all goes well, he will graduate in December.  

In any case, as sometimes happens, he remembered that he has a mother.  As he put it, "this job has me all up in other people's family business, as then I realize I'm neglecting my own family."  I had to laugh as he described how toddlers are quick!  How rapidly a toddler could go from being fully clothed and playing to stripping and running wild out the door!  I laughed because because I remember 35 years ago when that toddler would have been him!  

"I didn't care much for children when I WAS one," he quipped.  That is true, he preferred the company of his elders, even as quite a young child.  Funny thing, when I think back, as a child I preferred my own company more than the company of other children.  I would hide from them, so I could just live with my imagination.  

A decade later, when I acquired much younger siblings, I found I was enchanted by the way children come pre-programmed to learn.  What they learn depends on what they are exposed to.  They tend to naturally follow some form to trial and error scientific method... natural curiosity drives them.  It is awesome.  We tend to forget this as we age and "lock in" to attitudes, only to be reminded when we interact with children again!

A cold front come through here overnight, with some welcome rain.  I slept until after 7, which is very late for me, but I was allowing myself this luxury, knowing that tomorrow I shall be up and on the road by 6, to go volunteer at the Last Blast Triathlon.  

Guess I'm out of news, so just the standard reminders to take care of yourselves:

• Hydrate
• Be active
• Eat to support your immune system
• Rest
• Allow yourself to feel... good and bad feelings... and let them depart, too.

Life is good.  Spark on!  🔥💖✨

Onward!

Rubia, after mom was "down for the count" early in the week, sucked up, sat on lap, purred, etc. on "Ginger Cat Day" last week.

I stretched my legs with walks on Friday and Saturday, leading into Labor Day weekend, and then we had the family activity:  taking on the new "challenge" back woods course at the local miniature golf place.

It was my son, his fiancé, her parents, and me.  We figured we were in trouble from the very first hole, which was a par 5.  Sloping, rippling greens, various hazards... it truly was a challenge.  But neither of the mothers in the group are "let the kid win" kind of mothers... the older generation came in first (her mom) and second (me), the kids in between, and her dad brought up the rear... not competitive in this group...?  Hah!

I had my best score on this hole.

Donna the winner

Relaxing for a bit before heading home

Biggest mistake of the evening?  I neglected to put on bug spray... I got eaten alive, and have been dealing with the bites ever since.  Nevertheless, it was a great time, and a fine end to the Summer season.

Monday my knees were creaky, and my back complained if I tried to move in a certain way.  So I took Monday easy, and was OK to be back in the gym for working out on Tuesday.

Upcoming:  the Last Blast Triathlon is Sunday the 11th.  It's my plan to get myself out to the lake and do whatever volunteer stuff they might need me to do.  Gary (my trainer) is the race director.  He's already fretting over the weather forecast, which currently shows it raining Saturday evening, which affects the set up for the race (they usually set up the day before).  Chalk markings on pavement would not work well if there is rain Saturday night / Sunday morning.

So, as titled:  Onward!  Lifeward!

Hydrating, watching the nutrition, trying to stay active and get in my rest... hopefully, same is true of all of you.

Life is good.  Spark on!

 

Happy September

 

My sister calls these surprise lilies.  It's an apt name, because I never remember they are coming, and then one day in August I stepped onto my deck and there they were:  "Pop!"

In Barb's life:  sick last Friday thru this Tuesday.  Not Covid (tested negative) but likely a different virus.  My cousin mentioned that norovirus was going around her workplace.  I have zero contact with said cousin, but the symptoms seem to match:  headache, low-grade fever, nausea, and lots and lots of nasal/phlegm discharge.  Yuck.  Not to gross y'all out or anything.

Feeling more like a human being Tuesday, and even more so Wednesday.  Back on limited food Tuesday, regular (but tracked) eating starting Wednesday.  Disturbingly, while I canceled the Tuesday workout, the trainer canceled the Thursday one, with queasy stomach... so, maybe something really is going around town.

Sensitive subject alert...

I had not mentioned it here, but I've taken on reading "White Fragility: Why it's so hard for white people to talk about racism" by Robin Diangelo.  It was copyright 2018, so relatively recent, but not freshly published.  Since I do find it hard to talk about racism, and it had been recommended as a book for self-education, I figured it would be good for me.

Keep in mind, when people go about trying to ban books, it makes me want to read them more, so knowing that this one was on some people's lists of that nature certainly fed in to my decision to purchase it.  It's a "pause and think" read for me.  It's also a "I am not sure I want to admit to my white friends that I'm reading this because I don't want them climbing down my throat" (due to the banned book thing).  I will admit it and share it with my sisters, and we'll discuss, but how comfortable will those who read my blog be with it?  I sometimes hide the book when service people come to my home!  

Still, I am making my way through it.  I'm over halfway through it, even with think time between chapters (and sometimes paragraphs).

What am I seeing?  A lot of things I had gradually become aware of over the decades... those are easy.  Some explanations of reactions from others to words or actions, which were eye-opening.  I'm an almost 70 year old white woman.  I think the first black person I met was a little girl close to my age in a Sunday school visit, and I was fascinated and curious.  It never occurred to me that her life experience would be different from mine.  I mean, we wore similar clothes, and read from the same religious texts!  

I grew up during the civil rights movement.  As a four year old, the neighborhood teenagers dressed me up as a (stereotypical, I might add) colored child to ride on a wagon in the kids day parade.  It won first prize, with its civil rights message.  Later on I felt proud of my small part.  After all, it proved that my people were "on the right side" of the issue, didn't it?  I couldn't be a bad person.  My mother put the photo in my "baby book".  Of course at the time I had no clue (that segregation was an issue... I didn't even know what that was).  I knew full well why I couldn't go to school... I wasn't old enough in our town.

My high school boasted a single black family, I think.  We voted one of their sons class president (he was a State Champion wrestler).  Over the years I discovered not everyone had the same experience with people as I did.  I acquired mixed race niece and nephew by marriage.  They were innocent children when I first met them, and I got to see how different their life experience was.  Even so, it was a long time before I understood their mother's reaction to some statements my husband made.  I was also puzzled by my mother in law's actions toward her daughter, who conceived and bore these children.

Moving back to the book, I got to chapters that asked me to examine how being white has impacted my life.  I had to slow down and think.  There is a lot of meat to examine.

How is this impacting my on-line life?  Let me hark back to my "summer obsession" which is in reality a social experiment:  The Big Brother house.  This year the house was filled with a diverse cast, and I watched what I was reading about in action on the live feeds.  Some very difficult conversations have been held, many of which I have difficulty holding with people I know in real life, of any race, including my own.  

I've always used the show / feeds this way.  In season one I was fascinated just to listen to the life stories of people I might never meet in real life.  In season two, I enjoyed the strategy and the growing relationships.  Year by year, as the game evolved, so did the slices from my real life experience that I folded in.  

Some seasons have been hard to watch.  The tendency of people to align with people they can identify with is natural.  Some years I found myself actively "rooting" for people that others considered the bad guy.  Other years I found myself seeing myself reflected in behavior that other fans found abhorrent.  I hope that over time I have learned and adapted my own behavior.  Such things are good IF they teach us and we grow into better people because of it.

Since the cast is almost always people in their 20's and 30's, it is a window into how social values are changing.  Because there is a financial gain to be had, it highlights the tension between wanting to win and wanting to hold to one's moral standards, as well as showing how those standards may be generationally changing.

No one can do our growing and learning for us.  It is an internal process.  But if we never converse about such issues, if we run away and hide from them, we will never get to a place of peace.  So, I'm opening the door, a crack.  I'm fessing up to where I am in this journey.  I'm hesitant... will my friends who read this blog be comfortable with that?  Do we want to talk about such things?  Or will we retreat back to our corners and talk only about flowers and weather and recipes, because that's all we are comfortable sharing?

The thing I most hope for is maintaining the respect we show for one another, wherever we happen to sit on the spectrum of attitudes, of learning and of personal growth.  I've seen so much of that erode in the political realm, and especially on social media.

Pep talk takeaway:

The important thing as Spark refugee folks is to remember that dealing with difficult subjects is stressful, and it's important to take care of ourselves as we do... the old pep talks to hydrate, be active, get our balanced nutrition and rest apply especially to stressful periods in our life, whether because of lived experience or exposure through the TV or through books!

Life is good.  Spark on!