I started a blog on Sunday, and never finished it. I added to it on Monday... and still didn't finish it. Lather, rinse, repeat on Tuesday and Wednesday. No, I have not dropped off the edge of the flat earth conspiracy theories, but I have had a slump-y, rebellious, finish line syndrome kind of week. I even stopped tracking my fasts and my food. I was at loose ends and foggy about figuring it out.
This morning I am asking myself which fork in the road I will travel next... while still pondering over "what happened that put me here"? Was it the one month since the demise of SparkPeople? Was it that volunteering at the Last Blast Triathlon nearly two weeks ago, signaling the end of the kayak season for me? Has it been the changing season? Or perhaps it's the semi-annual budgeting I'm about to go meet with my financial guy about?
The deal is, as a people pleaser, I tend to set up in my mind expectations for myself of what the other person thinks I should be doing, and I made a big splash with this young man when I first retired... my plots for athletic endeavors.
That was nearly four years ago. And my athletic stuff? Has kind of withered on the vine, between various illnesses, the death of my brother, oh, yeah, and the pandemic. I am back with the trainer, but now... the what's next conversation in my head is playing again. Am I actually thinking of trying to impress this young dad?
No answers here. Licking my wounds over the internal backlash.
So here's where "be kind to yourself, you're doing what you can" kicks in. Patience with Barb while she figures it out. And putting one foot in front of the other and remembering to breathe. Honesty is at the root of any successful program, and this is me being honest.
Let's all be kind to ourselves today, and live the best Thursday, September 23, 2021 we can manage, wherever our mindset might be! That will be enough. And we will keep moving toward making our lives healthy.
✨💖🔥 Spark on.
Must say. I was getting worried. Looks like you are finding your way through this bit of chaos. We do come out of chaos but are always a little bit different. What will be learned about ourselves each time? I guess it’s a form of growth. Glad you are back. Good luck with the financial guy! Yikes!
ReplyDeleteDon't mean to worry folks, mind you. I am remembering when I was in my 20's and clueless about my own nature, thought I was the "always cheerful" person, and someone more observant pointed out to me that as upbeat as I was most of the time, they expected me to slump from time to time. They worried more about a slump in someone who was normally low-key, calm and steady, not so upbeat!
DeleteMade me stop and think. While these swings do still provide puzzles, they are not as surprising at when I was young! A sign, I hope, that I might know myself a little better at 60-something than I did at 20-something!
This seems to be a theme with other Spark refugees I've spoken to. A bit of drifting. We miss our conversations, companionability and I admit, the back-patting. Add to that the current state of political and climate affairs and guess what? We are normal in that we react to our environments! Perhaps not a super-hero among us but a lot of super people who need each other.
ReplyDelete((()))
Also, I love the cup now that I see the close-up. Haha, the Delft Blue decorated cup is so misleading on a quick glance.
ReplyDeleteHee-hee... yes, things could be worse!
DeleteNormal is good!
(((Hugs))) Been in a 'who gives a hoot, why bother?' mood here for about two weeks which is not my usual.
ReplyDeleteWe shall bounce back, when we're ready!
Delete❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️
ReplyDeleteOf COURSE you’re entitled to need other people cheering YOU on, too!
For the record, I enjoy your sense of humor (even / especially the dark parts) and your geekiness, even more than your cheerfulness! 😁
As far as the radio silence, I figured you were taking a much-needed break from the frequent blogging, and I didn’t want to disturb you. 😴
Since we’re talking about this, I’d like to ask: In the future if you take a break, would it be OK to poke 👉 you in the comments and say, “Hi! Thinking 🧠 about you!” (?)
...Or would me doing that be an unwelcome intrusion, and make you feel obligated to answer?
I’d like to know how best to support you! 🙂
Blogger's block, anyone? Of course I'd feel obligated to respond, but sometimes that's just what the sulking toddler needs... a prompt! Feel free to "poke" as the spirit moves you.
DeleteWill do! ❤️
Delete👉👉👉
😁
“Better is a handful of rest than two handfuls of hard work and chasing after the wind,” . Maybe you need to take sometime to do nothing . Take care of yourself .
ReplyDeleteOoh, I'd not heard that saying before... do you have an origin for it?
DeleteAnd yes, time to "do nothing" is a good thing... in moderation, of course!
Ecclesiastes 4:6
DeleteAh-hah! Or, from King James version: "Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit"
DeleteLess is more, in modern parlance! Thanks for stirring the mental process!
Well, I did wonder. But as I've been so hit and miss myself on the blogging lately, I get it. Hopefully you'll take your time and mull over what it is you really want to do regardless of pleased people (aside from yourself).
ReplyDeleteThanks, I shall do just that. But usually, once I've broken the silence it does help me move onward.
DeletePS I admire that mug greatly!
ReplyDeleteThanks, it is one of my faves, too.
DeleteYeah, I get that reluctance to say as much, speak as freely. I don't always comment, either... but try to read.
ReplyDeleteWell, I wondered what was going on but just figured that you were taking a little break. BUT hope that the tumultuous time smooths out a little for you. It's only been just over a month since SP closed and it is hard to get a new rhythm going. Takes time.
ReplyDeleteLOVE LOVE LOVE that mug.
Breaks are good, but can't let them drag out too long.
DeleteSometimes taking a break will help you see clearly on what to do next.
ReplyDeleteGood thought, thanks.
DeleteSo happy to see your return. There are times we need to withdraw and reflect.
ReplyDeletePrayers for whatever it is that will bring you peace.
May not be a full-blown return, maybe a slowing down, checking in less.
DeleteSparkPeople closing really made us all look at what we really wish to do, what needs doing and what we would just love to let go of because we are just goin through the motions. Glad to read your blog today too. Missed you!Hugs
ReplyDeleteIt has indeed. It provided a framework for the days. But now? What does the framework look like? I had it for a good couple of months, but now... and now... and now... yep, an on-going transition!
DeleteAt first, it was Spark to announcing its demise that put determination into my attitude. We shared a common reaction. A little adversity in life makes me want to fight back by taking better care of myself.
ReplyDeleteYou took better care of yourself and reached jogging intervals success. You are asking What’s next? Maybe you could just keep your inner toddler happy by letting her run because it feels good.
What’s next? Lots of possibilities but nothing is calling your name just yet. You need to let the universe play out it’s hand for now. Something will come out of the blue and grasp your heart. If you keep running, you’ll be ready when that opportunity knocks. Here’s an opportunity you might not have considered. Maybe you’d like to work at a food bank?
Being uncertain isn’t a bad thing. It may feel uncomfortable but it opens your heart to God.
The tantrum isn't quite over yet, but I can feel myself kind of returning to center.
DeleteYes we are all "in the same boat" I think,still missing what we had and trying to go on ... great blog thanks
ReplyDeleteUsually a small rebellion is followed by a realization that yes, I still want to keep up those healthy habits! When I get done being in a snit, that is. 😉
DeletePoke poke poke 👉👉👉
ReplyDeleteHoping you’re having a good weekend, with both fun *and* productive activities 🙂❤️
Don't know why anyone would imagine that the demise of Spark would also imply I never ever melted down or burnt out again!
DeleteIt's funny you mention burning out; I feel like the chances of me burning out are dramatically increased, the higher my self-expectations are, LOL
DeleteWith, or *without* SP. Not sure how anyone would think SP being gone would forestall that effect... Did I sound like I did?
These days I just feel like putting one foot in front of the other, on this, my THIRD documented rodeo (can't recall if there have been any undocumented ones preceeding, but I think the answer is "yes." That's the problem with them not being documented! LOL)
Anyway, you just keep doing *you*, and I'll be over here saying, "Go, Barb!" when it seems appropriate, and "Poke poke poke 👉👉👉" otherwise. 😉
“Honesty is at the root of any successful program.”
ReplyDeleteYes. This.
I had dishes at one time with the same colors as your mug. The pattern on the plates told a story. It was a long time ago. I really didn't think the demise of spark would affect me that much but that wasn't true. I thought at the time that Oh, I have been doing this a long time and since I know what to do it will be a breeze. Not true. I seems as though I have to pay double the attention and work harder at my journey.
ReplyDeleteYes, the story telling is kind of the point, isn't it? Yes, having to work hard at our programs is not really new, but having to cobble our support together across more than "just Spark" is new!
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